


You’ll Never Feel Like You’re Alone

by stxrfleet



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Tarsus IV, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, spirk, tiny bit of angst but not much its just jim being his usual emo self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9841199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stxrfleet/pseuds/stxrfleet
Summary: “On the contrary, Jim. I admit, after losing Vulcan, considering home as a specific place has become difficult. It has become consequential to consider home a feeling around certain people, sights, or smells.”“A feeling?” Jim looked to Spock and smirked, knowing well by now that Vulcans did feel, despite what they may attempt to have others believe. “How illogical.”orJim has trouble finding home, and Spock shows him the way.





	

Jaylah had always referred to the USS Franklin as her ‘house’. She had spent a great part of her life hiding there, repairing damage to the ship despite its unknown origin, and learning. She grew comfortable, learnt how to speak the foreign language of her house, and waited for the opportunity to leave Altamid and the memories of her family (more importantly, what happened to them) behind. Jim found it unusual that she would refer to such a place as a house, but not a home. He thought of her connection to the Franklin, the security she found in it, and how it helped her grow- each of the things he felt a home should do.

Previously, Jim had considered his home to be his family’s house in rural Iowa. Before his mom and Sam left, when they would have fun together. Winona Kirk would cook breakfast every morning for her boys, they would go to school, Sam and Jim would play together in the afternoons. Every Christmas they would set up a holo tree inside to sit in front of the fire and open presents under, but would go find a larger, real tree in the land beside their farm to take a family photo in front of, so at least they had the pretence of a real tree.

After that, Frank had moved in. Winona never married him, but he took over the house and slowly killed all of its familiarity. Breakfasts became a snack on the way out or a skipped meal, Sam and Jim’s playing became riddled with their conversations about their mother and Frank and what was going to happen to their family, and Christmas trees began to seem like a childish novelty. Then Sam was offered a place an the Denevan science institute, where he met Aurelan, who became his wife. Winona, albeit regrettably, moved to Tarsus IV as a mechanical engineer to help in founding a new colony for the Federation. She hated to leave Jim behind, but Starfleet had very little people to turn to, even fewer that wanted to leave Earth, and only one member that had the great motivation of wanting to leave a household leech behind. 

In the end, it turned out alright, or so it had seemed at the time. Two weeks after Winona Kirk left Earth for Tarsus IV, so did Jim.

-

Tarsus had felt like a home, for the first two months. Starfleet officers and their families made up a significant portion of the population, and many knew each other due to the significant number of overlapping projects that were ongoing to create a sustainable way of life on the planet. Schools hadn’t officially been set up so early in the colonisation process, so Jim spent half his day with other kids, talking about life on Earth, and learning through each other. The other half of his day was spent with his mom. She would explain the projects she was working on over meals, take Jim to project sites in their downtime and, in some cases, Jim was able to offer a suggestion or two (anything from “Mom, why don’t you guys take your breaks earlier? It would mean everyone gets to spend lunch with the rest of the population,” to “What if you focussed more on building one spaceport at a time? It would take longer, but at least that way we can get a slow stream of supplies instead of relying on farming so much.” Winona had laughed at that one, Jim, like usual, had made a good point, but their projected production from farming was going to be enough for them to build both ports at once, plus a months extra resources in case of an emergency. Of course, it ended up not being enough.)

Jim had found comfort in his new life. It was small, but he was happy. His mom was returning to her pre-Frank self, and they were able to do small things like climb onto the roof of their building on a Friday night and watch the stars. It was a home, despite its foreign nature.

Then, a plague struck the farming crops. Sources later discovered that the plague had been introduced by a person with access to botany labs. In charge of the department was none other than Kodos, who had taken control of the colony after launching a surprise attack and mass execution.

For Jim, who was one of the few to be rescued by Starfleet with his mom, despite both being starving and scarred, both mentally and physically, it was safe to say that Tarsus no longer felt like home.

-

Being picked up at a bar (well, not exactly picked up, more enlisted to join a peace-keeping armada) by an older man was not how Jim expected to find a real home. Really, it was not a direct link, but through a series of events it led him to home.

Starfleet Academy had been a home, to an extent. Jim didn’t get the same feeling he did as when he was around his family, but Bones was the best friend and support he could ask for, considering a year ago he was very drunk, partially on the run from the cops, and in no way in control of his life. Studying somewhere that actually proved a challenge was a new feeling, and it was welcoming.

-

After the Narada incident, Jim had found what he thought was a true home in the USS Enterprise. He felt a connection to the ship, it took him places he could never see otherwise, brought him closer to his birth and ancestry than he had ever been before. There was security, in both the enormity of the ship and the people aboard it- Jim had gotten pretty lucky and considered himself to have the best crew in the ‘fleet. And, the Enterprise helped him to grow. It sounded dumb, but with hindsight he was glad that Pike gave him a push in the right direction and he finally had his feet planted firmly on the ground (even if the gravity doing so was artificial.)

This was the happiest point of his life so far- he had a ship, a home, a crew that supported him despite a somewhat rocky start, and a group of real friends better than he could have asked for.

Then, the incident on Nibiru happened, and Jim had to watch his home be taken away from him as Spock informed Admiral Pike that they had broken the prime directive to interfere in the planet’s course of actions (if you asked Jim, leaving a population to die at the hands of a giant volcano was a shit course of actions, but apparently not everyone seemed to think the same way.) The Enterprise was given back to Pike, and Jim was reinstated as first officer, but it felt like his home was missing the heart without his crew, his family, and the freeness of space under your own command. Jim was given the Enterprise back after watching Pike die, but only under the pretence that he act independently from it, and leave Mr Sulu to guard the Enterprise. Although he never said it, Jim found Mr Sulu one of the few people he would trust his heart and home with with his life. Harrison was brought aboard the Enterprise, and although the ship was damaged and crew morale slightly scathed, they were doing alright. Then, the warp core misaligned, but Jim was willing to give his life to save it. He would die to protect his home, and his family and their home. It was only when Spock appeared on the other side of a sealed glass door with tears in his eyes claiming that he no longer knew how not to feel that Jim began to understand that home could be more than a place.

-

Despite all that Jim had gone through, it was the mission on Altamid that was the hardest for him to cope with. Security tapes on board the Enterprise had shown what Krall was doing to prolong his life, and after long days of writing condolence letters to family members of his now significantly smaller crew Jim was still having trouble staying asleep for long when his dreams were filled of the cries of his family and images of a forever-transforming man.

It was after one of these long nights that Jim found himself at Spock’s door, hair a mess, bags under his eyes, holding a spare blanket. Spock had opened the door, saw the state of Jim’s appearance, before quickly letting him and taking him into his arms with a softly spoken “Jim.”

Jim lazily put his arms around Spock’s waist and let his head rest on Spock’s shoulder. They stood in silence, Jim taking in the warmth of Spock’s embrace. Whilst this wasn’t the first time they’d been in a position like this, it didn’t happen often, and Jim was thankful that Spock was willing to provide comfort on nights like these.

“Spock,” Jim said, face buried, “I just- I can’t… they’re taking away my home.”

“You are being removed from the Enterprise?”

“No! No, Spock,” Jim said, “‘They’ doesn’t mean Starfleet. It’s everyone. I keep losing my ship, my crew, my family, everything I call home again and again and I don’t know what to do anymore.” Jim let out a deep sigh at the end of his explanation, shifting his head so it was rested more comfortably on Spock’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to bother you with his, home is probably an easy concept that I’ve just overthought my whole goddamn life.”

“On the contrary, Jim. I admit, after losing Vulcan, considering home as a specific place has become difficult. It has become consequential to consider home a feeling around certain people, sights, or smells.” Jim did not miss the way Spock’s hand had made its way to his head, and was running through his hair whilst Spock spoke. Nor did he miss how Spock had tilted his head slightly, so that his face was directly above Jim’s hair.

“A feeling?” Jim looked to Spock and smirked, knowing well by now that Vulcans did feel, despite what they may attempt to have others believe. “How illogical.”

“Illogical, perhaps,” Spock sighed, “But necessary.” The pair broke apart, Jim still exhausted and holding his blanket in his left hand. By unspoken agreement, they sat at the foot of Spock’s bed.

“I suppose I always found a home in places. Even when I was at Tarsus, even though the time it wasn’t shit was only a couple of months, I was able to make it feel like home. With the Enterprise, I get my feet, and then someone has to yank the carpet back out again, with an academic hearing, radiation poisoning, a swarm of alien ships-” Jim paused, and let out an airy huff of a laugh, “You know, saying all this, you’d wonder why I never thought about it sooner. I sound like a real idiot for coming back and trying again every time.”

Spock watched Jim, fidgeting with his blanket, wondering how someone so golden in every aspect could be so easily put off. “I believe I ‘catch your drift,’ Jim, as I suppose you would say.”

For the second time, Jim’s face was pulled into a small smirk in response to Spock’s more human actions.

“As a child constantly reminded that my home could not truly be Vulcan or Earth, I sought out aspects of both that I could attribute to the notion of home. On Vulcan, it was the confines of my family’s home, where I was not only free of my scrutinous peers, but had my mother to confide in, that I was able to find a sense of home. You can imagine the effect that Nero’s actions took on my beliefs. Then, after fully relocating to Earth, an alien location to me, it became apparent that I could find a sense of familiarity in persons outside of my family, smells that reminded me of Vulcan, and feelings I would note in particular circumstances.” Spock paused then, reflecting on how difficult it had initially been to adjust to life on Earth without having a sense of self tied to a home light years away and a tradition waiting for him. “For example,” Spock spoke more quietly this time, as if revealing a secret, “Walking to the Academy every morning I would pass a vendor that sells Vulcan Spice Tea. Instead of remorse, I learnt to use that smell as a reminder of happier moments of my life. Lieutenant Uhura was a person through whom I could rebuild my sense of self again, thanks to her knowledge of the Vulcan language and kindness in a difficult time. Small aspects such as these allow me to reconsider the ideal of home, whilst knowing I still have one within aspects of myself and what I choose to absorb from the environment surrounding.” 

In the silence following Spock’s confession, Jim began to rethink his past. Perhaps it was not Riverside that was home, but the smell of toast in the morning and his mom’s laugh. Perhaps, instead of Tarsus itself being a home, it was the communal feeling of wonder and excitement in creation a new civilisation. Perhaps it was not the Enterprise herself that was Jim’s home, but the slight hum of a warp core, the simultaneously frightening and welcoming silence of space, and the crew members he now considered a part of his family- navigators, engineers, doctors, and a first officer.

Jim reached out tentatively and placed his hand on Spock’s, linking their fingers together briefly before separating them.

“So, Spock- Uhura was your home, past tense? What about now?”

“I believe my… feelings have changed.” Spock reached out and grabbed Jim’s hand in his own, Jim forced to look at him in shock.

“Spock…”

“Jim, surely you must know by now.” Spock says, quietly. “I would have… killed Khan, I am choosing Starfleet over Vulcan. Although we have gotten over our past differences, I cannot say that is entirely because of my wish to spend more time in space with Dr Mccoy.”

For Jim, who was just beginning to understand that he meant a lot more to the Vulcan than he had originally realised, this almost-confession was near the equivalent of a marriage proposal.

Spock, on the other hand, worried at Jim’s silence, and as it continued, began to remove his hand from Jim’s. 

“Captain, I apologise if this is too much-”

“Spock… It’s not. I- I mean, You- You are my home too.”

Jim, with a surge of bravery, tightened his grip on Spock’s hand, tracing his fingers against Spock’s. Spock looked as if he was surprised, confused, and pleased all at once. 

“Are you aware that this, on Vulcan, would be considered quite scandalous? Such touching of hands equates a kiss, if not slightly more.”

“Oh.” Jim said quietly, pausing his movements. He seemed to still for a moment, repeating his “Oh” quietly to himself once more. Then Jim turned to Spock and quickly pressed his lips to Spocks’, pulling away with closed eyes and a smirk. “We’re even now.”

“On the contrary,” Spock said, reaching to hold Jim’s face in his hands, and kissing him slowly, tenderly, and much more thoroughly than Jim had done. Spock pulled away slowly but not completely, leaving their foreheads touching as he dropped his hands. “I believe now we are even.”

“Spock,” Jim seemed to have gained some more of his confidence as Spock returned the kiss, “Do you really think you can one up me on this? I’ll show you even.” With that, Jim joined their lips once more. Unlike their previous two kisses, both were expecting it and met with equal anticipation and response. Jim’s mouth met Spock’s midway, their kisses long but soft, enjoying the moment and loving each other. Jim drew his kisses out, before continuing them along Spock’s cheek and jaw, making his way down Spock’s neck. He paused at the junction between Spock’s neck and shoulders. “Hey Spock?”

“Yes, Jim?”

“You wanna call a truce?”

Spock responded by taking Jim in his arms, wrapping them loosely around his waist and letting out a small hum. Jim supposed that was his equivalent of a laugh.

“No.”

“No?

“I do not wish to ‘call a truce’, as you phrased it.”

“Why not?” Jim asked, afraid that the last couple of minutes had been a wild overstepping of personal boundaries.

“I simply wish to prove us even on my own terms. You seem to be complacent in doing so.”

“No way, Spock! You’re just saying that because you want the upper ground and so we can…” Jim paused for a moment, realising what Spock meant in his refusal to stop. “You sneaky fucker, you just want an excuse to keep kissing me don’t you?”

“Jim,” Spock says, looking innocently into his eyes, “In any event regarding sexual intercourse, I can promise you it will not be in any way ‘sneaky.’”

Jim let out a laugh now, tipping his head back. Spock raised an eyebrow, simultaneously admiring the other man’s smile and his ability to fall for such obvious traps.

“Well Spock, if you’re ever in the mood, here’s your personal invitation to be a not-so-sneaky fucker with me whenever you want.”

Spock frowned slightly at this invitation. “Jim, you are aware that I prefer not to participate in casual relationships. Unless you plan on being with me entirely-”

“Yep.” Jim interrupted. Spock blinked in confusion. It was a little bit cute, and Jim felt like kissing him on the nose because of said cuteness, so he did. 

“‘Yep?’”

“I plan on being with you entirely.”

Spock looked as if he was trying to figure out how a cadet had managed to install a subroutine into the Kobayashi Maru simulator.

“Come on, Spock,” Jim said, grabbing Spock by the upper arms, “It’ll be fun. We’re already together all the time anyways, nothing much will be different.” Jim paused for a moment. “Besides, it’s like Mulder and Scully. Everyone knows they were the best space duo ever, and they were definitely having sex on the side.”

Spock, finally moving, placed a hand under Jim’s jaw to join their lips together once more before speaking. “It is quite the opposite, Jim. Many things will change.” He chose to ignore Jim’s comparison to this “Mulder and Scully,” promising himself to look it up in the library computer at a later date.

“Alright, well maybe they will. But it’ll be for the better. Here,” Jim stood up from the end of the bed, holding up his hand to guide Spock to his feet before leading him around to the bed’s side, lifting the covers, and hopping under, before inviting Spock under with him. Jim’s extra blanket was added to the pile on Spock’s bed for extra warmth. Facing each other, the two took a moment to adjust to the more intimate situation. “This is a nice change.”

Spock watched as Jim adjusted himself so that the two were holding each other in their arms, Jim’s head rested on Spock’s chest. 

“I agree.” Spock replied quietly, taking the time to take in his surroundings and how well Jim seemed to slot into his quarters, brightening and warming them more than any environmental controls could do. With a small kiss placed on the top of Jim’s head, he admitted, “It feels like a home.”

For once, in the arms of someone who he could trust, a safe place, Jim agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly unbeta-d (my friends read it but didn't offer any spelling or grammar advice. If something is wrong, let me know.)
> 
> Also my first attempt at writing a fic, and let me tell you despite many years of reading it is VERY STRESSFUL!
> 
> Double also, the title is from the song "Home," by One Direction.
> 
> On another note, if anyone wants to contact me you can find me on twitter @trekbeyond or on tumblr - vllcan.tumblr.com


End file.
